Thoughts for the Week:

This statement in the picture holds a lot of meaning for me. When I came out as transgender, I knew going in that not everyone would be supportive or accepting. I was grateful that my parents took my news well in the beginning. My children also took the news well; they wanted me to be happy. Most of my friends were accepting and supportive. My best friend of over 20 years was the one friend I had lost. My oldest son and his third son were born about 4 days apart, as we were born about 6 days apart. I was good friends with his wife in high school. She would babysit for my aunt.

I did not do a big reveal to the world when I came out. I just went about my life as if nothing had changed. That was until I started HRT. Unfortunately, my friend's oldest son had passed away shortly after I began to dress full-time. I had not seen my friend for a very long time. We had one of those relationships that we could go a month or two without seeing each other and pick up like we had just seen each other the day before. I still had not told him that I was transitioning. I just went to the funeral in a black dress, showing my respect for his loss. After the service, I decided to go to the reception. I thought I would be out of the way and would not be noticed if I sat in the back of the room. Little did I know he would be making rounds to greet everyone who showed. The closer he got to me, the more uncomfortable I felt. I felt like I was intruding on a challenging time in their lives. I decided to leave before he got to the area where I was. The problem was that I had to pass by him on my way out. So, I chose to go to him and let him know that I was here for him, and if he needed to talk, he could call me. I would not want the look I got from his wife given to my worst enemy.

A couple of years later, I had to go to where he works to get a part for a car I was working on. During the transaction, he was not very courteous towards me. I asked him if he was mad at me, he just turned and said he didn't understand. He never gave me an opportunity to explain what and how I was feeling. I went back another time about a year later. My partner was looking for a part or something on his truck. He was working that day, as I knew he would be. When he saw me, he went to the back room, told one of his co-workers about me, and was making fun of me. It was that day that I had given up on ever repairing our friendship. It still hurts to see him around town. Makes me wonder about people and how they can throw away a friendship of over 20 years. How good of a friend were they to begin with?

My transition has put a strain on a few of my relationships. The only advice I can give is to fight for accepting relationships. Do not force people to change overnight; give them time to become comfortable with your change. If the people you feel are worth fighting for are not using your preferred pronouns, they may not be the people you need to be around. In my experience, those people will keep dead-naming you and using the incorrect pronouns. It could put you in danger. There are always exceptions. At the casino a few days ago, I was out with my mom (she is one who still dead names and uses the wrong pronouns). She is so used to misgendering me that she did it in front of a group of people at the card table. Luckily, they just looked at her like she had just messed up (she did have a couple of drinks) and just made a mistake. She did apologize for the "slip-up" right after she did it. It still hurt that she would put us in a potentially harmful situation.