Thoughts of darkness: TW suicidal thoughts

This post should be read in a safe environment.

If you are having dark thoughts and have nowhere to turn. There are people out there who can help.

call 988, text 988

A few weeks ago, I think I hit rock bottom with my depression. I woke up in the worst panic attack I have ever had. It started in my dreams, where I found myself tangled in one of my necklaces. This triggered my claustrophobia. Which had me thinking I was trapped in my own body. The only way I saw to get out of the feeling of being trapped was to die. Then I began to imagine how I would approach it. Do I shoot myself, and if so, how would I hold the gun? Would I hold the gun up against my chest, or would I hold the gun out from my body? That got me thinking that if I held the gun out, I could miss my heart. I knew I would not shoot myself in the head because I want to be able to have an open casket at my funeral. This really scared me into thinking, "I don't want to die." This shocked me! I am really afraid to die.

So, what do I do now? I have to talk to my therapist about this. Get some guidance, some direction on how to deal with what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Ever since that dream, I have not had any dark thoughts or feelings of not wanting to be here anymore.

I know this subject can be challenging to discuss. It needs to be brought up in conversations. If you know someone is having a difficult time, sit with them and be with them. You don't need to ask how they are doing. Most of the time, you will get the answer "I'm Fine." People will let you know if they are ready to talk. The important part is to let them know you are there and will listen to them. They may not want you to give them advice or a solution to their problems.